June 2005—How I Got My Testimony
From NeilDocs
How I Got My Testimony
I’m not sure I can say how I “got” my testimony. I think it’s something you have to get over and over again. As I grew up in the Church, when I was your age, I just assumed it was true. We had Sunday School on Sunday morning, Sacrament meeting Sunday night, Primary after school on Thursdays, Mom went to Relief Society every Tuesday, and then there was MIA (YM/YW to you guys). My parents were always busy with Church service. It was the center of our lives.
When I was in high school I had friends who were members of other churches. We talked about religion a lot. We went to discussions with teenagers from other churches and talked about what we each believed. I was always happy with the teachings I knew. I felt lucky to be a Mormon.
When I was in high school I also got my patriarchal blessing, and it told me that the gospel was deep inside of me, and that it would not leave me. That was true, even when as I got older I had questions and challenges while I was working to get my grown-up testimony. I had times of doubt, but I also had many experiences when the Holy Ghost touched me. I knew those times were real, that I did not make them up.
I will tell you about two such experiences that were very special and happened when I was closer to your age than to my age now. I wasn’t a child, but I was much younger than I am now. The first one was when your grandfather and I were dating. We were old enough to get married, and when I first went out with him, I felt I would marry him. I thought that was pretty silly; I didn’t know him well at all, and how could I be right? But I felt that way anyhow, and discovered your grandfather did, too. We had that feeling even before we fell in love. It was kind of funny.
When your grandfather asked me to marry him, we knelt down to pray to see if our decision was right. Even though we had those feelings, we wanted to ask Heavenly Father to be sure. It is so important to marry a person who will be a good partner. When we prayed, I stopped suddenly. I felt a very, very warm feeling right where my heart is. I had never felt just like that. I asked grandpa if he felt what I did. He did. I knew from the scriptures that talk about a “burning in the bosom” when something is right, but I thought that just meant a warm fuzzy feeling, not something like real burning. I had no question at all that Heavenly Father approved of our choice. Your grandfather has been just the kind of husband that my patriarchal blessing described. This has helped us through many hard times, especially when your Uncle Eric’s problems showed up. Many times people who have disabled children get mad at each other and think, “If I hadn’t married you, this wouldn’t have happened.” But we knew better, and so felt comforted that somehow Eric and his problems would be okay. Our family wasn’t a mistake.
The other experience has to do with Eric, too. Actually, we have had many experiences with finding places for Eric to go to school or get help from the right doctor where the Holy Ghost helped us. That happened over and over again.
This time was when Eric had to be put in an awful back brace to straighten out his back that had become crooked. If nothing had been done, Eric’s heart and lungs and other insides would have been mashed against each other, and he would have had even more problems with his body. Wearing the brace was very important. The doctor wasn’t too sure at first if it would work, but he didn’t want to operate on Eric when he was so small and young. But Eric had to wear the brace for all but one hour a day, and it hurt.
When we got home from the hospital where Eric got the brace, your Aunt Mary Ann, who was a baby, was crying. Eric was crying because he was miserable. So your mom started to cry, too, and I was having trouble myself. I had to go off by myself for a few minutes to get myself calm so I could help the children. Then I made lunch.
I had a little sign on the refrigerator to help me be brave and do what my children needed. It said, “Obedience requires sacrifice.” That was like a scripture from a Bible story where the king who hadn’t been very obedient was told that he couldn’t just sacrifice something and be okay. God wants us to obey the commandments, to do what is right, not just give something up. But I had realized that obeying sometimes means giving something up, doing something that is hard, like putting that icky brace on Eric all the time. He didn’t know why we were doing that. He must have thought we were very mean. I didn’t read that sign to my children. Even as smart as your mother was, those were big words for someone who was just three. The sign was for me.
While Eric was calmer and able to eat, he looked at me. You know he looks a little funny. His eyes don’t seem right. Sometimes you talk to him, and he is so busy thinking about something else that it’s like nobody is home in his head. But when he looked at me, his look was clear. It was just the way you look when you understand something. And he said, “Mommy, obedience requires sacrifice.” Then his eyes clouded up again, and he was the regular Eric. I just stared at him.
That moment was a gift from heaven. It told me Heavenly Father knew about our family. It made me able to keep that brace on Eric until he was much older and ready for the surgery that could fix his back. And because that was many years later, a new kind of operation had been figured out that was perfect for Eric’s problems, and his doctor just happened to be the only one in the East who had learned how to do it. He learned just before Eric’s brace stopped working, and Eric had to have an operation. His back is great now. His heart and lungs have all the room they need, and Eric is very healthy and strong.
Those two experiences, with many others, have made it clear to me that Heavenly Father is real, that he loves his children, and will help us with our problems. He doesn’t always take them away, but he helps us work through them. He helps us have courage even when we feel scared. He lets us feel his love. I am so grateful that I learned about him and about the Savior when I was young like you. I had that blessing all my life, just like you can. It helps when you wonder, and it helps when you worry, and it helps when you have to make choices. It helps every day. When I see people here in Pittsburgh discover the Church and learn about Heavenly Father’s plan for them, their lives change so much, and they too have lots of help with their lives and the problems they have to solve. It is a wonderful blessing for them. It would be for everybody. I am so glad I have it and that you do, too.
Love,
Grandma Janet
